Blogian is back. No, things are not better in my life at all: even worse. But I realized that I should not have killed blogian just because I have the worst heartache ever. Blogian does not belong to me, it belongs to its readers, even to the one who broke my heart again and again.

It is raining in Littleton, yes, it is where I live. You might remember the Columbine High School shootings from 1998; I live 10 minutes away from that place in Colorado. It has been raining all day. It actually started yesterday, just the same time when my heart started to pour. It was raining in the morning too, even when I was marching in the Western Welcome Week parade for Heifer International.

I did not want to go to the parade, but I had promised my 8-year-old neighbor to take him to march with us. I would not make a 8-year-old kid to be sad just because I was not in the mood. He actually said he had the best time ever. I am glad he did, but I didn't indeed. Actually it was better for me to participate in the parade, although I had not slept all night. 6 a.m. in the morning I got a call. I thought it was my baby, but she had promised not to call ever again. Long story, very long. The caller was my good friend from Armenia, Lia. She was calling from Paris, where she is staying for a month-long student event. I am glad she called. She is a person I can share my heartache with.

(more pictures from the parade, and other events, at http://newpix.cjb.net/ – my new gallery)

It is still raining. I don't know how long it is going to continue to rain, but I hope not too long. Monday, the day after tomorrow, new life is starting: continuation of my political science courses at the University of Colorado and starting the assistant manager position of Colorado State Capitol's visitor services. Actually I will be out of the Capitol for the first hour and a half of my job. I will be meeting the Armenian students from Journey for Humanity who have an event at the City and County Denver building right across where I work. I don't know most of these guys, but I have seen one of them in Washington D.C. during an Armenian conference. (Speaking of Washington D.C. and Armenian conferences, I will be going to the ANCA Leadership Conference in D.C. in September. A good senior friend of mine already bought me the tickets.) Then I will escort them to the Armenian genocide memorial plague at the State Capitol (I had to get permission from the state patrol to take them to the memorial, since it is fenced due to construction).

I really hate for writing in this tone. Especially when I know some of my closest relatives read blogian. But I am tired of keeping my heartache to myself. After all, this is personal blog, and for an Armenian who lives in an isolated state in the USA, away from Armenia and Armenians, it is difficult to be *happy*.

My birthday is a week from today. I will become 20. I don't know what I will do on that day, but right now I feel like not wanting to do anything in this world.

At the end, I would like to thank those who encouraged me not to kill blogian, especially my friend Artyom from www.iararat.com and …her.